In "The Fifty Dollar Bill" written by Donald Hall, the narrator of the story seems to be an honest man, but is he really? I believe for the most part he is very honest—except for when he did not want to be drafted so he bribed his congressman. He had several reasons for wanting to be exempt from the draft. He was always honest, until he realized he had something important that could be lost.

The very beginning of the story starts with the narrator talking to us (the readers) about how honest he is. He tells about how he is well respected both in his profession and in the community where respect "is not accorded easily" (Hall 957). He is saying since he is a lawyer, respect is hard to earn. He tells us all the things he has never done: "I have never asked the judge who is my best friend to fix a ticket for the son of my liquor dealer. I have never promised a favor to a detective in order to hide evidence unfavorable to my client" (957). He is making it a point for us to believe he is honest. When he talks about other lawyers, he says they "live on intimate terms with dishonesty" (957). This statement implies that he could not handle being dishonest, or that at least he does not "live on intimate terms" with dishonesty. However, the final statement of the first paragraph, "I call myself an honest man," does not really sound like he means what he is saying. He says, "I call myself an honest man," not "I am an honest man."

If the narrator was so worried about being honest, what reasons could he have had to try to bribe the congressman? He had a lot to deal with when the rumors of the draft came around. The narrator was a third-year law student. He only had one more year to complete before he got his degree. His wife was pregnant and about to have their first child. Those two things were very important to him, and he could not take the chance of losing them. Not only this, but he feared his own death. He had a "repeated sequence in his mind’s eye" in which he kept seeing his own death. The dream not only took place while be was asleep, he also saw his death while he was awake. His "film clip of death" was very vivid. He saw himself drowning due to the weight of soldier’s equipment (957-958).

For a man who claims to be honest, he seems to have a guilty conscience. He begins one of the paragraphs by telling us "he had forgotten something from the summer of 1941" (958). He must have put the entire event in the back of his mind. How could he forget an event that had so much significance in his life? I believe he did not want to remember it. If he forgot about it, then he could still consider himself honest. He did not want to remember himself being dishonest. He himself calls his story about the money being sent to the congressman by an accident, a "farfetched story" (938). If the narrator calls his own story "farfetched," why should I believe any differently about his story?

Another reason I believe he had a guilty conscience was the fact that he said, "the incident disturbed me deeply" (938). He felt like he needed to repeat to everyone the story of what happened to him. "I told everyone I met. Even after I came home and started practicing law in Akron, I told people," were the words of the narrator (938). He obviously told everyone so they would believe him. He even told people who had no idea what he was talking about, just so they would think he was honest. He seem to have believed that he would be honest if enough other people thought he was honest.

The final and most convincing reason I feel the narrator has a guilty conscience is because he saw a small sliver of green in the envelope in his dream. In his dream everything was so clear: "Marion was wearing the brooch that she lost while I was in the Pacific." He even saw, "a delicate line of green frothing upward against white paper" (959). The green was the money which he had sent to bribe the congressman. During his dream be was remembering seeing the money in the envelope before he sent the letter to the congressman.

I am not alone in coming to the conclusion the narrator sent the money as a bribe. In the book, Contemporary Literary Criticism the editors say Donald Hall writes about lost virtues and values (259). The narrator had the value of honesty in the beginning of the story and lost it when he tried to bribe the congressman. This story definitely fits in with Donald Hall’s style of writing. Also according to Contemporary Literary Criticism, Hall likes to use close-to-home ideas to get readers involved in the story (259). I am sure many people are faced with situations where being dishonest can get you what you want at the time, but when you are caught it seems to be a bribe. That is practically what happens in "The Fifty-Dollar Bill." The narrator will have to deal with his own conscience. Edward B. Germain writes that Donald Hall’s stories and poems deal with "self-revelation" (626). The revelation the narrator makes is that he is not as honest as he makes himself out to be. Another author that I agree with is Christine Brunson. After reading her work, I think that we seem to agree completely except for one fact: she does not want to call the narrator a dishonest man (Brunson 236). I believe he is dishonest because he is lying to himself. He wants to believe he did not send the money on purpose so he repeats his story over and over. The more he tells the story, the easier it is for him to believe it. I truly believe the narrator sent the money as a bribe. All the evidence from both the story and outside sources proves this conclusion.

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The main character in Donald Hall’s "The Fifty-Dollar Bill" has spent most of his life trying to live up to his honest reputation. When he is accused of trying to bribe a person at the Judge Advocate General’s office, he tries to convince himself and everyone else that it was just an "unfortunate coincidence" (Hall 958). However, the evidence shows that it was more than just a coincidence and that his actions were intentional.

The narrator goes out of his way to prove to us that he is a honest man. He contrasts himself with other lawyers who "live on intimate terms with dishonesty" (Hall 957). While he prides himself on being honest, the narrator has a deep obsession with his honesty; it seems he will do anything to live up to his reputation. In the first paragraph, he says "I call myself an honest man," not I am an honest man. By his choice of words he demonstrates a lack of confidence in his honesty. You don’t have to be truly honest, in order to call yourself honest.

The narrator begins defending his actions long before we know that he did anything wrong. In the second paragraph, he claims "I had no intention of avoiding service to my country and I expected . . . to go into the office of the judge advocate general in June, 1942" (Hall 957). By telling us this early on he gets us on his side. We now are more likely to believe that he would never try to bribe his way out of being drafted. He also makes sure that we know he was in a hurry when he mailed the letter, which makes a mix-up seem more possible. By setting up his defense so early he shows that he has a real need to be defended.

Once we know what he did wrong, his defense begins to look like Swiss cheese; it has a lot of holes in it. He and his wife used the $500.00, that they received as a wedding present, during the summer of 1941. They stopped using the money "When school started in the fall," probably close to the beginning of September (Hall 958). It’s hard to believe that in four months a man who had been in college and law school for six years, would actually forget about an envelope that he had used at least nine times over the previous summer—much less an envelope that had money in it. It’s also interesting to note that the money was always in the last envelope in the envelope box. This makes it seem a little strange that he would have unconsciously picked the last envelope. Besides, how many people take envelopes from the back of the box?

The narrator says that "I convinced my father"; his choice of words here imply guilt. If it really was an accident, why should he feel a strong need to "convince" his father of his innocence (Hall 958). He also says, "I found that I had to tell the story over and over," always trying to convince himself that it really was an accident (Hall 958). You would think if something that devastating accidentally happen to you, that you would want to forget about it as soon as possible.

It is in the narrator’s dreams that we find the most insight into what really happened. His dreams are best described by Byron’s line, "I had a dream, which was not all a dream" ("Dreams" 202). Since his second dream doesn’t seem to really be a dream, it was more of an unconscious memory.

In his first dream, he says he was "shouting for help that no one could give [him], drowning in shallow green waters" (Hall 958). In this dream he seems to realize that no one can really help him avoid the draft. In his second dream, he sees every thing as it was in 1942. Since Taryn Schaeneman points out that a "return to and reexamination of one’s past," is a common theme in Donald Hall’s work, it seems quite likely that his dream was what actually happened (87). In his dream he sees "for a fraction of a second but clearly, a delicate line of green frothing upward against white paper like a sea made tiny but a sea in which [he] could drown" (Hall 959). Having this dream shows that he knew what he did: he saw the money in the envelope and just left it there. The terms "green" and "drowning" appear in both of his dreams, perhaps signifying that he knew the money could only get him trouble.

Through the narrator’s dreams and defensive actions we realize that he didn’t live up to his honest reputation. However, he did succeeded in convincing himself and others that he lived up to it.

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